844 Words of Self-Reflection
I've slept in my bed for 19 of the last 60 days. A long time away from home, a good mental reprieve, and an excellent opportunity to do some self-reflection. A few points stick out to me, some that I've noted down personally, and a few I feel comfortable sharing in this post.
Gratitude & Hopefulness
More than anything I am so extremely thankful for my parents/family, mentors, coaches, friends, managers, experiences, God, and EVERYTHING that has come together to get me to the point I am in today. Looking back at where I have come from, I've come to accept the lost gambles on myself. Without these, I would not be in this moment. Being able to experience, navigate, and learn from these experiences is a blessing in and of itself. As I continue to grow, I'm going to take the same calculated bets on myself and live with the consequences, both positive and negative. While keeping one of my most important principles in mind:
"One thing in life, don't make the same mistake twice."
Being Unconventional
I must admit that life has been very unconventional for me. Around this time three years ago, I would have sworn to you that I'd be playing college basketball somewhere in a few months. Hell, I should be either junior or senior in college right now. I listened to a podcast a very good podcast a few days ago that talked about the Dark Horse Theory in careers, where more often than not, people end up in fields that they never envisioned, despite our beliefs about specialization.
Though what I do today isn't what was originally in the plan, I enjoy it more than I could've imagined, and as I tell many people, it is the same as basketball. In what way? I took the principles, work ethic, passion, lifted and shifted, and found success. I hope those picking majors, career changes, being torn from their current dream/passion, and more can find comfort in not knowing what’s next and see the beauty in the process of uncovering what is next.
Routine vs Exploration
I've had some intense thoughts about routines, exploration, and the importance of both. I am a creature of habits and routine. One of my favorite arguments is how motivation is a sham because it is wavering, routines are not. Though I love habits and routines, exploration is needed. Exploration is key to finding new ideas, hobbies, interests, and people. Routines are important to hone those into friends/partners, skills, practices/principals, and businesses. When will I find the time to discover and dive into new ideas and subject matter? When will I go and try new activities and develop new hobbies? When will I meet new people? I like to call myself adventurous, but I could be better, it will only benefit me to be more well-rounded. How do I solve this problem? Develop a system to allot the time of course! Once I've seen some success with my system, I'll share it with the world.
Satisfaction
I'll always be striving for something. As I move through the stages of life, what I am striving for will change, but all in all the strive for something will be present. Toning back my ego and extrinsic motivations has been a longstanding task that I am moving into a good place with. I am proud of not falling victim to the need for "bigger", "better", and "more" in a lot of areas in my life. My hunger and need for success being derived from my want to be my best self instead of being better than the next man is difficult when you're as competitive as I am. Despite this, I hope to come to a healthy middle ground that both scratches my competitive itch, and is not destructive to my life/health, relationships, and people around me.
Circling Back
A few months ago I wrote this blog post:
As much as my blog is externally facing. This post was written to me as a reminder to calm down and stay patient with the process. I may not be building my dream company today, but the extreme practice is worthwhile. I say all of that to say, the hard work is paying off and I'm glad I've been able to withstand the frustration to this point.
TL;DR
Thank you, everyone, and everything that has helped me to this point. My life has been a whirlwind getting to where I am but it's been worth it. I've made a system to allow for more exploration inside of my intense routines. Intrinsic motivation > extrinsic motivation - but I don't want to kill my competitive edge. I wrote a blog post that is coming to fruition.